

It's fine to maintain firm boundaries about what sort of language and behavior is and is not tolerated, but consider re-reading the chapter on tone policing (chapter 15:"But What If I Hate Al Sharpton?") before you decide what language is acceptable. Abuse is never okay, but what is often called "abuse" in heated discussions on race is often simply people of color expressing very justified emotions about living in a white supremacist society.


Then, incorporate these needs and boundaries into the agreed-upon parameters of the discussion. Ask what would make them feel safe and comfortable. Ask what subjects they are eager to discuss, and if there are subjects they do not want to discuss. If you are in a majority white space, talk with people of color in advance-in a private, safe setting-to hear their concerns about the upcoming discussion.
